2002-02-04 - 7:10 a.m.

I had a kind of sad night last night. Makes no sense at all. I put up aromatic cedar on one wall of my closet yesterday, and then proceeded with finishing installing the closet system we bought last week. Then I worked, as long as I could justify it, at starting assembling the new entertainment center we bought to cover up our new TV. I LOVE doing that kind of stuff. I love creating things, building things.

I called and volunteered to help with the youth dance festival coming up in our church. I was told I could help with the music/lyrics and making sure the scripting flowed smoothly. I love that too! These were the last things I did before going to bed at 10:00 PM last night. So why would I have such a disturbing dream?

And not only the dream. 3 sleepy-time events, all sad, invaded my peace last night. First the dream:

Diane and I were driving somewhere, and were about to park. The only place left to park were two marked spaces that were along the side of the road, at the start of a rather nasty s-turn where the road started to climb a hill. We were waiting for this big rig with 3 trailers to go up this tricky s-turn. The driver was so involved watching his three trailers, that he didn’t notice that the wheels of the cab were running off the steep side of the hill.

I saw the front and then the rear wheels slowly go over the edge, and I exclaimed, “OH NO!” Then the cab disconnected from the trailers and fell sideways about 15 feet down to the ground. All the while of course there was nothing anyone could do but watch. It didn’t happen in slow motion, as often happens in dreams, it just fell, “THUD!” Then we could see the driver trying to get out of the cab, on it’s side, coming out the window, and he was crying out in a lot of pain. I then woke up. So sad!

I must have been moaning in my sleep, because Diane woke up too. She got up to take some ibuprofen for some sore muscles she found when scouring the kitchen floor of the house we just moved out of. That woman does more work in an afternoon than I accomplish all weekend! We men like to do “manly things” like putting together closet systems, or entertainment systems, and then think we have accomplished some great thing, so we go and sit down and watch the boob tube, and rest the rest of the day. Meanwhile, our women just keep busy with the unending mundane things they still do, even though most couples both work, now.

Anyway, she was sore, so she took the stuff to dull the pain. When she came back to bed, I was still sad from the dream. I rolled over to hold her, and thinking I wanted to spoon, she warned me that she was facing me. I told her I knew that, and cuddled up, front to front, with my face half resting on her breasts. That felt so comforting – like a baby cuddling up to its mother. That’s what it felt like, too. No sexual overtones. After a few minutes of that, she told me it was time to roll back over so we could sleep.

Before I was married I used to have this very romantic thought of how great it would be to fall asleep in my lover’s arms, like they always show in the movies. Even better, I thought how dreamy it would be to finish making love, and fall asleep, still “connected”. I have never talked to anyone that has ever actually done either one of those. It’s like, who can sleep that close to another person? It’s too hot, or too confining, or too many pressure points. Well, it looks good in the movies!

Then I was wishing I was holding Adam, spooning with him. We loved that! Again, we couldn’t fall asleep that way, but … I miss that boy so much! That made me sad, too.

So this morning I woke up sad and melancholy. I’ll be better later on.

Aw, C'mon!
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